


Texts from the Revolutionary Squad

by moboe



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, M/M, Texting, im sorry but also not sorry at all, im trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 08:14:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8005285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moboe/pseuds/moboe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Title says it all. Somewhat of a plot, but mostly me just fucking around with what messages from the revolutionary squad would look like in the 21st century, in my universe. Probably multichaptered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Texts from the Revolutionary Squad

**Alexander Hamilton** created the group “Motherfuck”

 **Alexander Hamilton** added **John Laurens, Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette, Angelica Schuyler, Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler, Hercules Mulligan, and Margaret (Peggy) Schuyler**.

 

 **Alexander Hamilton** : u fuckers r not even gonna believe what just happened

 **Angelica Schuyler** : let me guess

 **Angelica Schuyler** : jeffershit said smth u didnt care for and u punched him in his mouth

 **Alexander Hamilton** : dam u rlly know me angie

 **Angelica Schuyler** : It’s a gift and a curse.

 **John Laurens** : how bad is it?

 **Alexander Hamilton** : define bad

 **Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** : oh, mon ami. you must stop putting yourself in these situations.

 **Alexander Hamilton** : excuse u

 **Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** : one of these days jefferson is going to, how you say, kick your ass.

 **Alexander Hamilton** : bitch

 **Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Alexander Hamilton** : biTCh

 **John Laurens** : babe let me see how bad it is am i gonna have to clean you up again

 **Alexander Hamilton** : its not that bad its just a few bruises here and there

 **Margaret (Peggy) Schuyler** : rlly? i heard jeffersons taking kickboxing classes

 **Alexander Hamilton** : BITCH

 **John Laurens** : alex WHAT THE FUCK!? you instigated a fight w/ someone who takes kickboxing CLASSES?

 **Angelica Schuyler** : ooh he bouta get it

 **Alexander Hamilton** : babe look i didnt know he had taken classes at the time

 **John Laurens** : ...how bad is it

 **Alexander Hamilton** : [image attached]

 **John Laurens** : jesus christ alex

 **Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** : mon dieu

 **Angelica Schuyler** : damn, hammy

 **Margaret (Peggy) Schuyler** : so… the consensus is not to fist fight jefferson?

 **Hercules Mulligan** : who ru kidding peg. ham would get in a fight with a potato if it looked at him the wrong way

 **Margaret (Peggy) Schuyler** : ?

 **Hercules Mulligan** : ...bc of the eyes

 **Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** : my god

 **Angelica Schuyler** : you didnt just

 **Hercules Mulligan** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

( **Hercules Mulligan** changed **Alexander Hamilton** ’s name to " **HAMstring** ")

 **HAMstring** : why

 **Hercules Mulligan** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **HAMstring** : STOP WITH THE ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ EMOJI

 **HAMstring** : where is eliza

 **Angelica Schuyler** : on a date

 **HAMstring** : what

 **HAMstring** : shes cheating on me

 **John Laurens** : alex u 2 have never dated

 **John Laurens** : and eliza is a lesbian

 **HAMstring** : she is my wife

 **John Laurens** : arguably i am ur wife

 **HAMstring** : <3

( **Hercules Mulligan** changed **John Laurens** ’s name to “ ***toilet emoji*** ”)

 ***toilet emoji*** : why me

 **Hercules Mulligan** : oh, i dont know… JOHN

 ***toilet emoji*** : /longsuffering groan

 **HAMstring** : me too

( **Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** changed **Hercules Mulligan** ’s name to “ **Hunkules** ”)

 **Hunkules** : this is the quality content i signed up on this site for

 **Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** : ;*

 **Hunkules** : thx boo

 **HAMstring** : UGH GROSS

 **Margaret (Peggy) Schuyler** : shut up ham ur just jealous ur bf didnt change ur nickname to something cute

 **HAMstring** : BITCH!!!!

( **HAMstring** changed **Margaret (Peggy) Schuyler** ’s name to “ **Peg-leg** ”)

 **Peg-leg** : is this supposed to offend me

 **HAMstring** : yes

 **Peg-leg** : lmao bitch u thought

 **HAMstring** : fuCK

 ***toilet emoji*** : hon u know peggy is like invincible

 **HAMstring** : :///

 **Angelica Schuyler** : how come no one’s changed my name to something cute and/or offensive

 **HAMstring** : do u want me to

 **Angelica Schuyler** : i mean i wouldnt oppose it

( **HAMstring** changed **Angelica Schuyler** ’s name to **Angelicunt** )

 **Angelicunt** : WHAT THE FCUK HAM

 **HAMstring** : ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

( **Angelicunt** changed **HAMstring** ’s name to “ **little bitch** ”)

 **little bitch** : thats not even a pun of my name

 **Angelicunt** : its accurate tho

 **little bitch** : i cant believe this

( **Hunkules** changed **little bitch** ’s name to “ **Hamlet** ”)

 **Hamlet** : thx my dude

 **Hunkules** : *finger guns*

( **Peg-leg** changed **Angelicunt** ’s name to “ **ANGry** ”)

 **ANGry** : tru

 **Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette** : now i feel left out

( **Hunkules** changed **Gilbert Motier Marquis de Lafayette** ’s name to “ **Laffy Taffy** ”)

 **Laffy Taffy** : thank you mon amour

 **Hunkules** : *finger guns*

 ***toilet emoji*** : alex ru gonna come home any time soon so i can make sure your cuts dont get infected

 **Hamlet** : idk i might get into another fight with seabury before i come home

 **Hamlet** : just to get it all done in one go

 ***toilet emoji*** : please dont

 **ANGry** : do it

 **Peg-leg** : do it

 **Laffy Taffy** : just make sure he hasnt been taking kickboxing classes

 **Hamlet** : fuk u

 **Laffy Taffy** : i dont want ur ass being handed to u again mon ami

 **Hunkules** : y u think u need to punch seabury

 **Hamlet** : hes trying to argue w/ me w/out actually listening to what im saying???

 **Hamlet** : now im THINKING... if i punch him in his throat he might shut up and listen

 ***toilet emoji*** : why is violence ur automatic response to any form of disrespect?

 ***toilet emoji*** : alex ur gonna get urself killed

 **Hamlet** : dont worry about me mi amor

 **Hamlet** : además, seabury es una perra

 ***toilet emoji*** : no más argumentar, alex

 **Peg-leg** : what r they saying

 **ANGry** : they’re arguing over which one of them loves the other more

 **Peg-leg** : EW GROSS

 **ANGry** : peggy u know i dont speak spanish

 ***toilet emoji*** : ven a casa.

 **Hamlet** : pero…

 ***toilet emoji*** : no. no “pero.” ven a casa ahora.

 **Hamlet** : Fine.

 ***toilet emoji*** : thank you.

 **Laffy Taffy** : what just happened

 ***toilet emoji*** : i laid down the law

 **Peg-leg** : guess we know who bottoms now

 **ANGry** : GOD PEGGY WHY

 **Hunkules** : jesus fck

 **Laffy Taffy** : LMAO U RIGHT

 **Hamlet** : hey! what the fuck??!

 ***toilet emoji*** : *smirky face*

 **ANGry** : im disgusted

 **Peg-leg** : god angie grow up

 **Peg-leg** : we all know ham takes it up the ass just get over it

 **ANGry** : peggy STOP

 ***toilet emoji*** : ok srsly guys ur making hammy uncomfortable

 **Hamlet** : w/e. talk abt my sex life see if i care

 **Hamlet** : u dont know anything abt what me and john do in bed *smirky face*

 **Hamlet** : u wouldn’t be able to handle it

 **Laffy Taffy** : oh pls u probably have the most vanilla sex ever

 ***toilet emoji*** : guys…

 **Hunkules** : john- can we have sex tonight  
alex- fine but nothing too fancy  
john- so missionary?  
alex- I SAID NOTHING FANCY

 **Hamlet** : literally fuck off

 ***toilet emoji*** : did u just compare my relationship with ham to andy and angela’s relationship in the office

 ***toilet emoji*** : bc how dare u

 **Hunkules** : if the shoe fits wear it

 **Hamlet** : bend over i’ll show u where my shoe fits

 ***toilet emoji*** : GET HIM BBY

 **Laffy Taffy** : HOLY SHIT HAM

 **Hamlet** : im good at draggin ppl what can I say

 ***toilet emoji*** : ru on ur way home

 **Hamlet** : yes dearest

 ***toilet emoji*** : dont be a dick

 **Hamlet** : sorry

 **Hamlet** : i’ll be home in like five minutes

 ***toilet emoji*** : im setting a timer

 **Hamlet** : what???

 ***toilet emoji*** : look i just know a lot of ppl piss u off and this way u won’t give them the time of day

 **Hamlet** : LOUD SIGHING

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : this is a lot to take in

 **Hunkules** : ELIZA!

 **Hamlet** : WIFEY

 **Peg-leg** : hooray! we’re all here!

 **Laffy Taffy** : howd ur date go *smirky face*

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : ANGELICA

 **ANGry** : im sorry lizzie they beat it out of me

 **Hamlet** : no we didnt

 **Hunkules** : [image attached]

 **ANGry** : is that a fkn screenshot of this conversation?

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : ALL IT TOOK WAS HAM ASKING ONCE

 **ANGry** : god DAMMIT GUYS

 **Hamlet** : so who were u cheating on me w/

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : alexander chill

 **Hamlet** : no

 **Hamlet** : im upset

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : not sure u guys know her

 **Hamlet** : so shes elitist

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : NO

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : she just runs with a different crowd

 **Hamlet** : i want a name

 **ANGry** : i know who it is

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : angie i s2g

 **ANGry** : m

 **ANGry** : a

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : STOP

 **ANGry** : r

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : Ang if u dont stop im gonna stab u in the neck

 ***toilet emoji*** : ok so i did a bit of sleuthing

 ***toilet emoji*** : i looked up “Mar” in Eliza’s friends list and theres only a few people

 ***toilet emoji*** : and since one of them just posted “just got home from an awesome date <3” im gonna assume its her

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : DAMMIT JOHN

 **Hamlet** : tell me who it is mi amor

 ***toilet emoji*** : maria reynolds?

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : shit

 **Hamlet** : HER?

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : look

 **Hamlet** : I SLEPT WITH HER FOR LIKE 6 MONTHS IN FRESHMAN YEAR

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : i know

 ***toilet emoji*** : wait what

 **Hamlet** : it was freshman year babe

 ***toilet emoji*** : mmhm

 **ANGry** : ooh he bouta get it

 ***toilet emoji*** : where ru alex

 **Hamlet** : in the stairwell vehemently typing out a message in all caps to Eliza

 ***toilet emoji*** : come upstairs

 ***toilet emoji*** : now

 **Hamlet** : si papi

 **ANGry** : gross

 **Hamlet** : *middle finger emoji*

 **ANGry** : am i the only single one here now

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : maria and i arent officially together yet sis

 **Peg-leg** : and im single

 **ANGry** : ur ace/aro peggy u like being single

 **Peg-leg** : u got me there

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : Angie ur single bc u never let anyone talk to u

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : ur always like “i need me a sugar daddy” and then when an older guy so much as looks at u ur like “im calling the police”

 **ANGry** : u didnt have to drag me like that sis

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : its a harsh truth

 **Laffy Taffy** : harsh indeed

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : laf thats the first thing youve said since asking abt my date

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : did u do that purposefully

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : did u ask abt my date to ruin me

 **Laffy Taffy** : i do not understand

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : bullshit

 **Laffy Taffy** : you see occasionally french and english they do not translate so well

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : fuck off

 **Hunkules** : yea stop messaging them and come watch a movie with me laf

 **Laffy Taffy** : yes, mon amour.

 **ANGry** : ugh, affection

 **ANGry** : disgusting

 **Peg-leg** : ^ me too

 **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** : chill guys its cute

 **Peg-leg** : bleh

( **Elizabeth (Eliza) Schuyler** added **Maria Reynolds** to the group)

**Author's Note:**

> PS i took all of my translations from google translate so im sorry if they're fucked  
> PPS idk if other people in different countries use this colloquialism but in the good ol usa some people refer to a toilet as "the john"
> 
> mon dieu: my god  
> mon amour: my love  
> mon ami: my friend  
> mi amor: my love  
> además, seabury es una perra: also, seabury is a bitch  
> no más argumentar, alex: no more arguing, alex  
> ven a casa: come home  
> pero...: but  
> no. no "pero." ven a casa ahora: no, no buts. come home now.  
> si papi: yes daddy


End file.
